How do you feel about these words? “Furlough, Redundancy, Let Go or Fired!”
A recognition that just seeing certain words can make us feel strong emotions. Is this the opportunity to confirm to everyone that your self worth is not dependent on if you have a job during a global health pandemic? (12 min Read)
This is the second blog in the three part series on emotions. We’re looking at our emotions on “working or being out of work”. I have been “unemployed”. How does it make you feel to read that? Do you think I should feel less worthy, because “once I didn’t have a job”?
With a global health pandemic on-going many companies, businesses and industries are being negatively impacted and having to make difficult choices and unfortunately having to “furlough” or “let people go”. Freelancers and contractors have also seen the impacts of loss of contracts, cancellations and work suddenly cut-short. The impact of this has been so BIG and so sudden that it’s literally “been shock and awe!” I mean this virus has practically shut-down society and left all of us reeling. With that all in mind, we need a song, before we get down to it today! So I’m going to draw on the powerful lyrics from the British Reggae and Pop Legends UB40, with their song, “One in Ten”;
“I am the one in ten
A number on a list
I am the one in ten
Even though I don't exist
Nobody Knows me
Even though I'm always there
A statistic, a reminder
Of a world that doesn't care”.
I said at the top of this blog, I have been “un-employed, out of work, not working or between contracts”. And do you know what I am not ashamed to tell you this. I know that everyone’s experience of the aforementioned can range from “tough, not pleasant, a learning experience, good”, or the spectrum of what you think it’s like.
In the first part of the series we looked at the deceptively easy question “How are you?” and found safe and comfortable ways for you to listen actively and be comfortable with another person’s emotional response. We looked at some common emotions and how to practice “active listening”. We also took a look at the power of “holding space” for some and allowing another person to speak openly without fear of judgement or recrimination.
Today’s blog is encouraging you to think about how our emotions impact how worthy we feel when we’re “un-employed”. So we’re going to explore the emotions we might feel when we’re un-employed. We’ll do that by looking at the following topics:
The “Stigma of unemployment”
Shame
Emotions v Feelings
My thoughts
Job Hunting tips
The “Stigma of Unemployment”
Being out of work has a common stigma and that makes us “feel less worthy, somehow defunct” and as UB40 aptly say like a “statistic.” I have personally had anxiety about saying that “I'm not working” and had “meta feelings” about how I should be feeling about “not being in work”. So that is to say,” feelings about feelings!” and “judging myself for my feelings about my emotions on my employment status”. Here’s where I have to ask you to think on whether you “feel bad”, or “less worthy” because you are worried about how “society judges you”, “your family judges you” or “your community judges you”?
If this is the case, we need to take a moment to think about why this does not serve us. As the old adage goes, you should never judge a person until you have walked a day in their shoes and understand what they are going through or have been through. Here I would urge you to take a moment to personally process your own feelings about how you feel. You have permission to take time for yourself. You may like to do any of the noted below items:
Take a break and have some time rest
Get creative
Insert your own
I commonly hear people say that they feel “ashamed” or “embarrassed”. Here’s where I have to say, we really need to take a moment to consider why we are feeling this? Here’s where I’m going to say to you, “There is NOTHING to be ASHAMED of”! You’re still brilliant, worthy, funny and talented. Change is constant and so you mustn’t let this hold you back from being kind to yourself. Only when you feel worthy, supported and at one with yourself can you move forward and look for new opportunities and jobs with confidence and pride.
You are more than just a Number! You are Awesome!
Next up, we’re going to talk about “Shame” and “Embarrassment” in regards to not currently being in a job.
“Shame”
Shame is debated in psychological circles as to whether it is an emotion or whether it’s a feeling. Now this is where we can go down some rabbit holes in terms of semantics. As arguably so might say that an “emotion” and “feeling” are the same thing! However, they can be defined quite differently. Here is what Marc Brackett, author of “Permission To Feel” says is the difference:
Emotion v Feeling
“Emotions are mostly short-live, …. such as a blush, chills or an increased heart rate and a release of neurochemicals to prepare you for action.”
Feeling v Emotion
“A feeling is our internal response to an emotion. I’m angry about something that’s happened between us, it’s caused me to give up hope, and I can’t keep going this way.”
Let’s get down to looking at some definitions of “shame”. According to Joseph Burgo in his book, “Shame: Free Yourself, Find Joy, and Build True Self-Esteem” there are 4 types of shame. Types 3 and 4 are pertinent to our discussion today. So here’s the definitions on “shame” types 3 and 4:
3rd type of Shame - “Disappointed Expectation”
This is the type of “shame” “we feel when you set out to do something and we fail”, where it ties into this blog is it would be things like “not getting a promotion”, “not getting extra hours at work” or “not getting our contract extended with our client”.
4th type of Shame - “Exclusion”
This is the type of “shame” when we feel that we’re being left out. So to bring it back to our topic, it would be things like “not having a job” or “being made redundant, furloughed or let go”. We all want to feel like we belong and so in regards to this blog, this one is not to be under-rated.
Some of us may feel embarrassed at “not having a job” as we feel excluded and it’s probably not something we felt that we deserved, but it’s the situation that we find ourselves in. Here is where I say, I feel your pain. I also want to say loud and clear, that just because this has happened to you, “doesn’t make you a bad person”, “not good at your job” or “deserving of any job that you choose”.
“My Thoughts”
I’d like to share my personal thoughts I’ve had about my own job hunting cycles. I’ve felt “not good enough” and “ashamed about not being at work”. But do you know what I realised, that I was “using some eles yardstick” to think “about how I should feel about being out of work”. That was insightful itself when I realised that! So what did I do about that? Well I decided to accept that “I was doing my best to find new work” and actually I don’t need validation from anyone else but myself.
So, yes, I have “signed-on” or taken employment assistance in the past. However that’s not the only thing that defines my “career story”. I define my career story and I urge you to define your own too. I feel airing these thoughts can help others, to feel that they too can “change their story or narrative” and that it’s more than OK to do so. You are not alone, you are in fact in good company.
So today, I am going to give you 6 tips on how to job hunt, or freelance during a global pandemic.
1 Don’t judge yourself by anybody else’s Yardstick
Much has already been written about the “comparison trap”, where we compare ourselves to others and pity ourselves for “not doing well enough, not being the right seniority or having the right pay”. So I’m going to be clear with y’all there No. 1 yardstick that you need to pay attention to is your own. You are good enough my friend and believe me when I say, “someone else envies your past or current job title, one of your achievements or desires to work at a place you have worked at!” So none of this, because “currently I’m not in job”, so “therefore I am less worthy”.
“Less worthy to who?” well if it’s someone else then I’ve got to Stop you right there! Be kind to yourself and judge yourself by your own yardstick. I know I’ve got to warn some of you from “being your worst critic”. So here I go, “you are doing well and you will continue to grow and learn”. The only thing that we know is “change is constant”, so your “working status today, may not be the same tomorrow, next week or next month!”
2 Accept your Talents and Gifts
We all have many different skills and areas of expertise. We need to get on the “acceptance train”, so that we can go forward confidently thinking about what job or freelance possibilities are available to us. So here’s where I’ve got to say again, get off the “lack of worthiness train”! Is that remotely helpful or useful? I feel you, take a moment and have a “pity moment or couple of hours! (Your own length, but get it done quickly!) Then that’s it we’re moving on!
Now let’s move on to thinking laterally about your talents and skills. For example you worked in the events industry, you worked as cabin crew, you worked in hospitality and the list could go on! Now you’re like what options do I have for new job possibilities? In each of these cases you’ve got the following skills:
Marketing skills
Dealing with difficult customers
Dealing with high volumes of customers
All of the above skills could be used in other job types/other industries that are crying out for people with your wonderful lived experience! It just needs you to think differently about what you have done and what you could do? So open your mind to different job possibilities.
3 Managing your Emotions and Job Hunting
Boy am I familiar with this one! Job hunting can become quite tedious, frustrating and stressful. Yeah, I totally hear you! I’ve been there too. What you need to bear in mind is that you can’t job hunt effectively if you have an “emotional blockage”. What do I mean by this? I mean if you don’t deal with the emotions of what prompted your job hunt then these “negative emotions” will drain you as you try to start a job hunt for the next role.
Here’s where you need to spend a little time with yourself and ask yourself, “how do I feel about why I’m now job hunting?” You might find you experience a number of emotions, some you expect and some you don’t. Whatever your experience, that’s wonderful as you are going to a place where you let go of the “negative emotions” holding you back from being able to search for new work or contracts with confidence. I used to think job hunting was “just a numbers game”, it is but it’s also about your confidence and resilience on the journey to a new job or contract.
4 Am I good Enough to offer my Services Freelance?
Yes! The amount of talented individuals that I am fortunate to meet who often ask me this question. So here’s the thing, you have nothing to lose in offering your services in a freelance capacity. You don’t even need to set-up a website! All you need is Confidence in your gifts and talents. In addition to using FREE social media platforms to generate useful content about your area of expertise and then asking your network, friends and family if there are any job opportunities available. You do this in addition to looking for a full-time employed role.
Why not? I know some of you’ll be well, this takes away from my time on focusing on my job hunting. To that I say sure, but it depends on your personal circumstances and what you feel is the best thing for you to do. I support you on whatever choice you make, but I’ve in my humble opinion I’ve “opened up more job possibilities” for you whilst you are looking for another position. Whatever employment path you take is 100% OK with me as long you’re happy and giving it your all. 💪💪🙌🙌
5 Beware of “Meta emotions” and “Meta Negative Thoughts”!
“Meta emotions”, I was already aware of, the fact that we have “emotions” and “feelings about the emotions we are having. For example, “I feel stressed about the presentation” and “I know I shouldn't feel stressed about it. I've done enough preparation, but I am still worried about it”. Now what blew my mind was the concept of “meta negative thoughts - that aren’t even your own”! Say What? Yes, this is about to get DEEP! So what I mean here is that we may have some “negative thoughts or cultural influences”, that may become lodged in our unconscious mind and hold us back from reaching our potential.
An example of this would be that perhaps in your family “Doctors, Lawyers, Teachers and Civil Servants” are held up as really worth professions that are “stable, honourable and make us up-standing members of the community”. Imagine that you are Marketeer and your brother is a Doctor, you might feel that you are not good enough and your profession is not “worthy” as it’s not on the aforementioned list that is held dear in your family or community.
Here’s where we’ve gotta be strong and walk our own path. If you are a Marketeer, “paying your rent”, “going on holidays” and “paying your travel costs”. I’m just going to “Clap You”! 👏👏That’s great. Don’t let anyone else let you think that’s not good enough. Here’s where I say you have to change your way of thinking. Acknowledge that you are leaning into your talents and gifts and whilst that is not the acknowledged benchmark by your “community”, SO What! If you’re not a criminal and making your own way in this world, “don’t let their limited thinking hold you back”. Be courageous my friend and I’m with you on this one. Tough as it may be. I believe you’re doing awesome!
6 Be Kind to Yourself
When it comes to “job hunting”, “searching for new leads” and “interviewing” they are all energy intensive activities. Don’t take that for granted! You are going to get “tired”, “bored” and “discouraged”. Here’s what I’ve got to say, not “job hunting” and giving yourself a break really aids your productivity. Counter-intuitive you say! Yes, I know “you’ll feel like you need to be job hunting every minute of the day”. You may feel guilty when you’re not doing.
Trust me I’ve been there too. However, as much that can “seem productive”, it actually isn’t because you’ll lose motivation, energy and drive. So on this I encourage you to take breaks and do activities that you enjoy, so that you can stay Motivated, Creative and Confident. As always you’re super awesome and your next job possibility is coming your way, “be open to it”. It might be something that you don’t expect, or might come in the guise of an unfamiliar sector/industry, connection or family member.
Give it a chance and decide if it serves you. As always make time for yourself and build in self care activities at a frequency that suits you. Self Care is NOT a luxury.
Take care of yourself my friend.
Resources
Address Stress - Mental Health First Aid England
Mind Mental Health Charity - How to manage stress
Contact the Samaritans - Confidential advice