I'm OK - Confessions of a Black SuperWoman
A recognition that “blurred working from home boundaries” are a recipe for disaster or the opportunity to embed better self care routines during a global pandemic and for life? (10 Min Read)
As Mary J Blige, the beautiful multi-talented Queen of RnB and Hiphop sang in her joyful song, “Just fine”;
“No time for moping around,
Are you kidding?
And no times for negative vibes, cause I’m winn’in
It’s been a long week, I put in my hardest
Gonna live my life, feels
So good to get it right.”
I am 5FT’1 and a Black SuperWoman! For what I lack in height; I am MIGHTY in a resilient and strong mindset. By this I mean I think nothing of doing a start-up that has not ONLY 1 service but 3 different services all-in one. I have a LOT of DRIVE, a “get up and go attitude” if you will. Now just because I CAN doesn’t MEAN that I should DO IT. What I mean by this is yes, you guessed it…... I am no stranger to “burnout”. I say I’m not a stranger, but it did surprise me when it took hold. Anyhow that’s a story for another time, right now we’re talking about mental resilience and mindset. So even before COVID-19 I was “working from home” it is what I have always done being self employed and working on growing my business. What I have to confess……, yep we’re starting the confessionals early, good and proper! It’s what I told myself that as a Coach you should lead by example and “walk the walk”. So I started to talk about self care and making time for yourself, which culminated in the #40daysofselfcelebration challenge during Lent. I thought great this is an opportunity to keep myself held publicly accountable! I was like this will be fun and when it’s over, I’m going to revert to business as usual. Then I recently found myself at home on “staycation” and so I had more time to “indulge in self care” and so I happily did. I had slowly been reading this motivational self book called “Radio Heaven” by Dr Sam Collins. She describes her challenges around keeping “sensible working hours” as a business owner and working parent. I read with interest about how she challenged herself to reduce her working hours by small experiments that led to BIG shifts and then eventually a FULLON change in her working hours. Some things are blatantly obvious, BUT you ignore them because you CAN. Now just because you CAN ignore them DOESN’T mean that you SHOULD. So for me it was easy to ignore falling asleep on the sofa every day in the evening when winding down and watching streamed content with my Husband. He had commented on this “sleepiness” and I just “brushed it off” and was like “yeah, ha,ha, who doesn’t fall asleep at the end of the day when relaxing and watching their favourite shows”. I’m beginning to realise - that my subconscious was calling me strongly and powerfully to take self care seriously and I was just “doing it for everyone else” it wasn’t “about ME”, “NO WAY!” That’s when I realised my body was literally “crying for HELP” 😢and I had refused to hear her cries. I hope that YOU don’t ignore what your body tells you before it’s too late. You ONLY have one Life. Make it a GOOD ONE!
Blurred lines ….. Work. Home. Working From Home. Enforced Working From Home. Work. Home.
What’s a girl to do, who can resist Robin Thicke……. 😉Anyway I digress. So there has been a lot of discussion about people “Working From Home”. For me personally it has all been just a bit of “noise”! Like I said I normally “Work From Home” and I keep a GOOD Routine, or so I thought. We’ll come to that a bit later on. So I was talking to a friend recently about this and trying to understand why a lot of the population are struggling with “Working From Home”. Honestly in the beginning I didn’t really get it. I was like welcome to my World! Then after speaking to my friend as you do, you think and reflect on the conversation that you just had. I was like hmmm, maybe the problem is not the physical place so much as your home, but actually this is a “mental dilemma”. I mean everyone has at some point worked from home as a necessity or out for some reason or other. I guess what is different in this case, is that we have literally been “forced to work from home by a silent and unseen killer called COVID-19”. Schools are closed, we are forced to queue outside the shops to get food and people have lost their jobs suddenly. When you put it like that, I can see why this might be challenging for most people. The circumstance is causing mental distress and anxiety. Trust me I am not immune, however I am more resilient than most and I don’t have a TV in our home. So on 2 counts my experience is unique!
So what is one to do about these “blurred lines''? This actually is Deep Stuff. I have to put my hand up and say I am NOT a Therapist nor do I hold any psychological academic qualifications. However, what I can say from a coaching perspective is this deeply emotional and personal. No judgements here. Everyone must find their own path when it comes to recognising their feelings about this awful pervasive and unseen affliction that is “COVID-19”. We all need to take some time to come to terms with what it means for us personally, emotionally, for our spouse, friends, family and kids.
So if you are struggling with coping with these very “weird times” we find ourselves in, that’s OK. However, I would urge you to seek professional medical help, whether that’s a therapist, calling a mental health charity in confidence or telling a friend, JUST DO IT! That’s all I ask of you, this is not the time to suffer in silence. It’s stark to realise that we are all now all starved of Face to Face time. There has been an explosion in the up-take of virtual video technology for work and pleasure.
Now I’m going to move onto my next confession. Healthy working hours? I enjoy my work and I find it easy to stay transfixed to my laptop at ALL hours of the day. That is BAD as I am an early riser, so no wonder I am always falling asleep!
Changing my - Working Hours Diaries
Would I go so far as to say I am Workaholic? I am not sure I would go so far as to say that! However, there are some clear RED FLAGS in what was my normal working pattern. This is a work in progress and it started the week of 30th March 2020. So I am an early riser and find that I am more “in the zone” in the mornings than any other time of day! Great, because you can get so much done, but then BAD because when does it end? As I mentioned I enjoyed a wonderful “staycation at Casa de Woolwich, London, UK….” you get it! During that week I felt the benefits of having time to relax (sleep), I found myself to be more creative because I adopted the “holiday mindset”, I was like I’m on holiday, so I can spend time twirling under a tree or baking endless chocolate chip cookies! You know what’s coming…… Just Because YOU CAN doesn’t mean you SHOULD. What I mean by this is it is great to have time for one’s self and to have fun. What I am NOT advocating here is that you take liberties and do anything illegal or HARMFUL. Let me BE CLEAR, I have 0 TOLERANCE for that kind of behaviour.
Let me tell you I was scared to try and institute shorter working hours. I thought my Husband would judge me, that I wouldn’t get as much done etc. I’m a lover of the Google Calendar and so I put my new working hours into my calendar as an experiment. Yes, I am in week 1. No it’s not perfect and it has not worked every day! (At the time of writing.) I am just SO proud to have announced that I’m doing it and that it’s gone into the diary. I think like every former project manager, I’m going to evaluate the results and then see further iterations of “project working hours”.
Some good productivity tools are:
Trello - Yes you can not be in a TEAM or be in a team of 1 and use a Trello Board!
The - Ekua Self Care Diaries
To commit myself to this change in my working routines and to really and truly embed self care “into my actual life”; I have put my new working day into my Google Calendar. I have also added, “Ekua Self Care Time '' 3pm - 6pm as a repeating appointment! It seems like I really enjoyed spending time having fun, being creative, who’d have thought it! Lol! 😊😊
For anyone wondering what has happened to my baking addiction, I can report that I found an “occasion” 😊recently to put my apron on! I made Nigella’s Intense Chocolate Cookies. 🍪🍪🍪😊😊😊
So these are my COVID-19 Working From Home Confessions! You know I’m a secret Usher fan! 😉Lol! Here are 4 tips on “working from home” during a global pandemic.
1 Take Self Care Seriously
Now, more than ever we need to take care of personal mental and physical well being. Everyone is different. These are very challenging times and a lot of stuff is happening to people all at once that is causing hardship, misery and pain. So I implore you to make time daily or weekly to make time for, “Me Time”. NO it definitely is NOT a selfish thing to do, I would go so far as to say it is a life preserving thing to do. So please, please, please Don’t ignore yourself!
2 Commit to a Serious Working and Life Routine!
Healthy routines are more important NOW more than ever. So, no joke, when you’re WORKING, WORK CLOTHES and NO PAJAMAS, TRACKSUITS OR NAKED BODIES! Yes, YOU not having your camera on during your work video conference. I’ve got your number and I know where you live! LOL! 😂😂😂😂I mean really guys, you need to take your “Working” time seriously. Respect it and differentiate it from LEISURE TIME. So wear different clothes and work in a separate area. Also Mentally my friends get into the “Work Zone” and then the “Leisure Zone” when you’ve finished WORK!
3 Exercise. Release stress and tension
We are experiencing unprecedented times. I know, the gym has closed, which is another barrier for your normal go to fitness activities. I hear you. But say NO to laziness! If you are in lockdown or close to it, you still have all of the following available to you: stairs, the floor, the wall, the balcony, the garden, the living room, or your kitchen! Don’t use this as an excuse. I promise, you’ll feel better after going to YouTube ,finding your exercise of choice, and just doing some yoga, HIIT, circuits or Zumba!
4 Be Kind to yourself
And of course as always be kind to yourself. Most of all be kind to yourself.