Why you should fight fear and get a little uncomfortable

Jun 9

An acknowledgment that during a global health pandemic we should not let fear hold us back from personal development. (8 min read)

Fear. Anxiety. Stress. I have felt them all recently and when pushing myself to develop skills which make me personally feel fearful. I think that there is no doubt that COVID-19 has caused all of us to feel the words that opened this blog. I am not one to hang around in the negative feelings zone! So without further ado, the theme for this week's blog is how can a “healthy level of fear and discomfort” enable us to grow and develop personally. Wow, I can’t wait to find out what topic’s we’re going to tackle as “Fear is such a powerful feeling” that we’re going to need to go deep with this to help move us forward. One might need a powerful and up-lifting song to help us stay in an up-lifted frame of mind for this blog. You may be inspired by the lyrics of Miley Cyrus’s up-lifting anthem, “The Climb”.

“The struggles I'm facing

The chances I'm taking

Sometimes might knock me down but

No I'm not breaking

I may not know it

But these are the moments that

I'm going to remember most yeah …….

Sometimes I'm gonna have to lose

Ain't about how fast I get there

Ain't about what's waiting on the other side

It's the climb.”

Today’s blog is encouraging us to acknowledge “our fears” and to think about how your fear impacts you. So we’re going to explore how “fear holds us back”. We’ll do this by looking at the following topics:

How does fear make you feel?
How can “fear help you”?
Why is “discomfort is good for you”?

How does fear make you feel?

Let’s talk about “Fear”. It’s a complicated emotion. We normally think about it in terms of “fight or flight!” However there is so much more too it on a deeply personal level. What we “fear” and what we find triggers us to “feel fear” are rooted deeply in your personal life story. The things you were exposed to, the experiences you had, the places you been, how you’ve been treated and so much more. What we are going to reflect on is thinking about how we feel when we feel “Fear”. Do you identify with anything in the list?

Paralysed
Anxiety
Doubt
Frightened
Nervous
Scared
Breathless
Afraid
Insert your own word.

None of these words talk about the potential for “fear” being a source to inspire you to make positive change. So that leads us neatly onto how “fear” can help you to develop yourself.

How can “fear help you”?

We all know that “fear” is a complicated emotion. So how can we use “fear to help us” to achieve our goals? It’s not easy at all. You know, I love to say the personal work that you need to do can take days, weeks, months and even years. Despite that it is important that you begin this work as soon as you can! What can you do to make “fear work for you”? Well, I’m glad that you asked that! Here’s what harnessing your “fear” positively can do for you. Here’s a list to inspire you to take action:

You develop a new skill
You speak up
You try new ideas out
You diversify your business services
You move to a different country
You learn a new language
You start a new career
Insert your own!

So how do we get to place of your “fear” being a driver for your positive personal growth? Well we’ve got to do some thinking about why the “fear is holding us back” and consider what actions we’re going to take to lead us into the inspiration zone. You may like to reflect on this list:

Journal and write down your thoughts on your fears and what action you will take to reduce your fear with timelines on when you will take action.
Express your fear in a way that suits you, draw, voice note, photo and then note down how you will slay that fear by representing your action steps how you wish with timelines on when you put your actions in place.
Talk about your fear with a trusted friend or family member and ask them to “hold space” for you as you talk about the action you’d like support to take to reduce and get rid of your fear.
There are a wealth of motivational speakers and books that can help you with reducing and fighting fear. (Book Recommendation in the resources)

Now we’re inspired by some of the actions you can take to reduce “your fears”, let’s take a deeper look into how that “discomfort of fear” could be a good thing for you.

Why is “discomfort good for you”?

I am a big believer in the phrase, “nothing great ever came from your comfort zone”! A little bit of “fear” or “discomfort” can be used to help us do unimaginable things.

I’d like to share a personal story. “I’ve been afraid to start things, to put myself out there, to speak in public and my list could go on!” I too have fear, but how I look at “fear” has changed. I can say that something of the things I am most proud of have come from “being uncomfortable and taking a risk”. I shared in my last blog that “I feel culturally American” and this is because I was raised in an Armed Forces family. I spent part of my childhood in Bethesda, Maryland, USA. I believe that the experiences that I had as a child are held within me at a deeply sub-conscious level and have shaped the Woman I have become. I studied Political Science at Brunel University and really enjoyed studying American Politics. Coupled with my passion for civic participation, I felt compelled to save-up and leave my civil service job to under-take an unpaid internship at FairVote non-partisan, non-profit civic, organisaton for 6 months in 2008!

When I was thinking about making this life choice, I can tell you I was afraid, I felt fear and wondered if this was the right thing to do for my career. I can tell you that even though I felt fear, I was also excited and committed to the personal growth that taking 6 months to live abroad would give me. I was worried about how to manage health care, where was I going to live and what if I didn’t fit it. The reason I share this story is because pushing through my fear and discomfort led to un-imaginable personal growth and experiences that I would have never had if “I let fear win”.

So today I ask what would you do if you “faced your fears”? Reflect and consider if your fear of “this time” and “current climate” is holding you back from reaching your potential. Know that there is never a perfect time to “take the bold life changing action, business pivot or career change”. So make a plan, take action, stay focussed and know that you can do it. Set goals and get people that you trust to keep you accountable. We have but one life, so do what you do if you had no fears. I know that you’re going to take action and I support you 100% in facing your discomfort. 💖💖

Today, I am going to give you 4 tips on how to use your fear as a catalyst for positive change in your career and your life.

1 Make an Action Plan

To take Action, you’ll need to reflect and to make a plan. Break down the actions you want to take to address your fear with all the steps you need to take. When you write down the steps you will take and give yourself a timeframe in which to complete those actions. Don’t be hard on yourself if your timescales need to be adjusted. Celebrate every step you take towards reducing and eliminating your fear. I am proud of you for embarking on this journey. 💪💪

2 Get held Accountable

Sometimes you need outside help to keep you motivated to take the action steps you need to take. Join an accountability group for your theme, moving abroad, learning a new language, starting your business, making changes to your business or whatever the thing that is on the other side of your fear. Having that support may just be what you need to keep you working towards slaying that fear. However you choose to keep yourself accountable is 100% OK with me whether it’s you personally or other people, choose what works for you and DO IT! 🙌🙌

3 Practice and Be Kind to Yourself

You will get better at those skills or whatever you fear only if you practice! So find ways to practice and get the experience you need to eliminate your fear. Join a group on your theme and commit to practicing. As always learning or changing how you feel about your fear will take time for you to get to the other side. So be kind, patient and loving towards yourself as you embark on the journey. I know whatever the bumps in the road, that you will complete the journey in your own time and at your own pace. ❤️❤️

4 Ask for Help

Facing your fear is by no means easy. You may feel stressed, anxious and have anxiety. If the levels of any of the aforementioned are severe, please speak to a Doctor or Therapist. The best way to succeed is to acknowledge that sometimes you may need help. There is no shame in asking for help to fight your fears. In fact it is admirable and courageous. I am proud of you for asking for the support that you need to face your fears. Be patient with yourself and believe that no matter how slow you go or how long it takes you, you’ll get there. I believe 100% that you will seek the right support that you need to help you to slay your fears. Go for it! 💪💪❤️❤️

Resources:

Feel the Fear and Do it Anyway, by Susan Jeffers

Permission to Feel, by Marc Brackett, Ph.D

Learned Optimism by, Martin Seligman

Address Stress - Mental Health First Aid England

Mind Mental Health Charity - How to manage stress

Information on UK Healthcare as part of your emigration application - (In case moving to London is the other side of your fear!)